Take Care to Reward the Good

I will walk in my house in the integrity of my heart.”

-Psalm 101:2

     How often have you yearned for some appreciation at work or at home? For those of us who need to work in the world, we can do so much better for a boss who compliments our efforts once in a while. Mark Twain once said, “I can live two weeks on a good compliment!” I don’t know about two weeks, but if the compliment was indeed sincere and good enough, I suppose that I could.

     I don’t believe we realize how important it is to reward the ones we love, by expressing honest praise when our family members do certain tasks well. Have you ever noticed how the Apostle Paul starts out some of his letters to the churches? Take Philippians and Thessalonians for examples and notice the tone of the introductions:

     Phil. 1:3-5: I thank my God in all my remembrance of you, always offering prayer with joy in my every prayer for you all, in view of your participation of the gospel from the first day until now.

     1 Thes. 1:2, 3,6,7: We give thanks to God always for all of you, making mention of you in our prayers; constantly bearing in mind your work of faith and labor of love in steadfastness and hope in our Lord Jesus Christ… You also became imitators of the Lord and us…so that you became and example to all the believers in Macedonia and in Achaia.

     Now imagine hearing those words from the Apostle Paul directed at you! I’m sure that you would be more than willing to listen to everything that he have to say to you after such a glowing greeting. Even when he offered criticism to the Thessalonians, he surrounded it with love 2 and encouragement. Is this the method that you use with your children or spouse? Do you give thanks both for them and the things they do, on a consistent basis? Well, if you are anything like me, you don’t do it nearly enough. For those readers who were raised in a critical rather than an affirming home, it would probably come as a great struggle to offer praise when our family members are succeeding in doing well the little things around the home and in their lives.

     When was the last time you thanked your spouse for cooking dinner? Did you take note when they catered to your preferences rather than their own? Have you noticed any improvement that your child has done in coloring, homework, or chores? When was the last time you thanked your spouse for taking care of the bills or for showing frugality for not buying that really nice dress that caught her eye? I know I appreciate very much when my wife shows self-control in helping to keep our budget on target. My first inclination is to say, “Well, that is the only logical thing to do!” Instead, I try to praise her effort to resist something she specially likes. I believe that we don’t spend nearly enough time building up our families with consistent, honest praise.

     With our children, we are more apt to catch them in the act of missing the mark, than we do catching them doing well. How opposite this is to our Father in heaven and our Lord Jesus! They do not sit and wait for us to mess up. We did not learn this negative reaction from them but from our ex-father -- Satan. We really need to keep score of the good things our children and spouses do. For some of us who have a more difficult time in rewarding with honest praise, we need to commit to doing this in a very real way. Write down some of the little things that you see going on in the home. If your child takes out the garbage when asked once, let them know that you really are pleased that they obeyed with promptness. If they take it out while moaning and 3 groaning, then tell them how glad you are that they still did it, even though they didn’t enjoy it. Perhaps then this will help improve their attitude over time. Affirmation has a way of doing that! Most will try to live up to your praise and affirmation of them. If you never show this to them, you can be sure that they will continue in their whining, negative attitude.

     There is a hymn entitled: “Count your blessings,” which encourages us to “name them one by one.” It goes on by saying in so doing; we will “see what God has done.” We will acknowledge Him with thanksgiving. The same principle should be applied to our families and on the same consistent basis as we are praise and acknowledge our God. We take at least one day a week to worship and thank Him for His loving-kindness, although we should be daily learning to thank Him for and in all things. We should likewise be pouring out blessings on our husbands, wives, and children; just as God pours out his blessings on us. To do this, we need to spend time noticing the good things they do during the day. This, in turn, will encourage them to want to improve their efforts in all things.

Children learn what they live.

If a child lives with criticism, he learns to condemn.
If a child lives with hostility, he learns to fight.
If a child lives with ridicule, he learns to feel shy.
If a child lives with shame, he learns to feel guilty.
If a child lives with tolerance, he learns patience.
If a child lives with encouragement, he learns confidence.
If a child lives with praise, he learns to appreciate.
If a child lives with fairness, he learns justice.
If a child lives with security, he learns to have faith.
If a child lives with approval, he learns to like himself.
If a child lives with acceptance and friendship,
he learns to find love.

    Take the time to bless and praise your children and
spouse. The reward for them will be growth; for you it will
be joy and peace as you see how…“Praise changes
things!”

© CDMI - Free Bible Students

The Early Impress

I took a piece of plastic clay and idly fashioned it one day;
And as my fingers pressed it, still it bent and yielded to my will.
I came again when days were past—the bit of clay was hard at last;
My early impress still it bore and I could change its form no more.
I took a piece of living clay and gently formed it day by day;
Molding with parental art a young child’s soft and yielding heart,
In time their tender years were gone, it was a man I looked upon:
My early impress still they bore and I could change them nevermore!

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“Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is
old he will not depart from it.” Proverbs 20:6